Hi my lovelies,
I wanted to share a bump update with you & for you guys who haven’t se,en my stories over the last few weeks, I thought I would do a ‘little’ summary below on what’s been going on.
At our 30 week scan we found out that she was in a breech position & still is at week 36. I tried everything ‘natural’ to move her & was certain that I could, from spinning babies, reflexology, acupuncture, moxibustion, swimming, yoga & spending most of my days upside down.
I was born breech through a cesarean but it hasn’t been until now that I’ve ever really thought or spoken about it, because it doesn’t exactly get documented on your passport! Anyway my positive pants really were on, up until the last scan when our midwife said it’s unlikely that she will turn now & we will need to consider ECV & if that doesn’t work a cesarean.
I kept telling myself does it really matter how she arrives as long as we are both healthy & safe.
The problem was that I got my heart so set on a natural, non intervention birth, in the birthing centre in the water. I got ‘obsessed’ and was determined that if I tried everything, I could turn her & “the dream” natural, no intervention birth would all be possible.
When we were at the hospital last week having the latest scan, the midwife said she still hadn’t turned & is head up. I cried & cried. I felt so disappointed in myself that my birth dreams suddenly all weren’t possible & I think I had drove myself slightly insane the last few weeks with obsessively searching on the internet for every answer how & giving everything a go, in all honesty it felt like I had failed.
Which sounds so crazy to now say, as I totally forgot that I had been growing this little human in me for the last 8 months. Trying to look after her the best I could ever day by eating well, moving, sleeping on my left, not over doing it, not dancing around being clumsy Tess.
I really had to rein in all my thoughts & take in a few days to get my head straight & be honest with myself what was the real problem.
Firstly – it was a feeling of disappointment & being scared.
Secondly – I have always been petrified of hospitals. Which now meant I couldn’t have a home birth or delivering at the birthing centre.
Thirdly – what was wrong with my body why was she was in that position and was it my fault.
So how about looking at it differently ………….
Firstly – i’ve had a really straightforward pregnancy and I should feel so so lucky!
Secondly – life is unpredictable, sometimes you need to be brave & face your fears to make you a stronger person
Thirdly – what my body has done for me and our baby is incredible & I am so grateful for the little human that has grown inside of me.
We decided against the ECV (manual manipulation) as it didn’t feel right for both Adam & I; Kim Kardashian wasn’t selling it either, paired with a few other things.
In hindsight & why I’m sharing this with you is that I put way to much thought, energy & pressure into creating the perfect birth plan for me & I don’t want you to do the same.
In all honesty I spent so much of the last 8 months getting fixated on the birth and trying to control how it will be, I forgot about the most important part. All I should have ‘planned for’ is that she’s healthy, happy & that’s when her life begins, arriving whichever way is safest & best for us both.
I hope sharing my honest journey so far has helped & can help mums to be. Remember -birthing preference not a plan, understanding that this is likely to change. I wish I had & would really advise anyone to look at it the same.
I still really encourage the hypnobirthing which I will use for the cesarean. Also everything learnt in the antinatel classes & books for when shes here are great!
I am even trying to keep so open minded that who knows she may do a last minute 180 degree turn & decide the sunroof isn’t how she wants to arrive. It is now time to get back to enjoying the pregnancy, and our last few weeks with just Adam, Colin & I and I’m excited with all the last minute prepping for her arrival & getting as much R&R as possible. The baby shower I had last weekend with all my girls helped so much & having family down for the weekend, I just can’t wait to be a mumma. 🙂
Anyway, my point of sharing this all with you, is that sometimes in life we have to embrace the unknown & accept the uncertainty. Pregnancy has surely taught me that, but really to have a healthy, happy baby in your arms whatever way they decide, will ALWAYS be all that matters.
Next week I will be sharing all my nursery buys & hospital bag check list.
Lots of love,
Tess Xx
